Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
