I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
