im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
