i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
