someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He better not be in your backpack
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
