enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
