New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
