it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
