you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
