Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
