I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
