I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
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