Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
