I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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