I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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