I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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