my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
did i just pee glitter
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
