I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
