She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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