Slut skills are useful in every country.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
