just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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