so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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