Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
