you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
