Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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