I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
