I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
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Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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