the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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