I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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