i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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