Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
