i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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