people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He has the fingertips of a God
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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