That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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