I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
