Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
