I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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