i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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