also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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