Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
