sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i believe in u and ur pee
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
