I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
