someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
