That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I FOUND THE LEGS
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
