respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
