About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
