He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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