I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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