someone get that fucking seahorse.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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