Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
