I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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