so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
