My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just found puke in my bra..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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