hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
