I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
