...so i touched it.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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