So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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