What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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