So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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