Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
