So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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