Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
