this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
