I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
