I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
