you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
