My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize