So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
