fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
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Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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