Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
did you just send me my own nude
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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