I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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