There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
