He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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