Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
