I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
