you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
