Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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